Sunday, March 25, 2012

On baseball

I think baseball is boring as crap to both watch and play.

*But* as a single mom, I don't get to tell the kids to go play with their dad, so instead we play a more interesting version at our house.

Keep in mind I have not played baseball in, like, 20 years. I am pretty sure I remember the real rules, but I don't really remember the exact batter stance or where to put your fingers on a ball when you are going to throw or pitch it. I also don't care. :P

With this in mind here is how our baseball game went this evening:

1. Ry (6) is the batter. I am the pitcher. Ad (4) is the security guard. The security guard chases after balls and dances. Kind of a combo of the catcher, fielder, and mascot.

2. Ry misses 90% of my throws. Mostly because I have poor aim.

3. When Ry does hit the ball he runs around in the front yard. Apparently I fed him something that did not agree with his tummy because every time he runs he farts. Every time he farts he yells, "I can't stop farting!!! I am like I fart rocket!" I am sure our neighbors think we are super classy.

4. Ad gets bored with standing around and informs me that if I need her I will have to call 81818. I think she is kidding, but every time I need her to get the ball I have to yell out that number or she wont move. Then she tells me that she is going on vacation so I will have to get the balls from then on.

5. Ry hits the ball and starts running the bases and Ad starts following him. He continues to have "issues". Ad yells "Stop farting!" Ry yells, "Haha, I got fart molecules on you." I threaten to go inside if everyone can't control if not their bodily functions, then at least their mouths.

6. Ad declares that the security guard has a security garden and we will all have to stop playing for 5 minutes to watch her flower show. I am still not sure what a flower show is even after watching it.

7. Ry hits one last ball and he and Ad both run around the front yard yelling we all are winners! Then as a last hurrah, Ryan rips one at his sister and cracks up. Ad starts crying.

So there you have it, our version of baseball. I am raising some fine baseball players. However, I think we will practice in the backyard from now on.

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