Friday, August 3, 2012

On Medieval Times

 My sister and I took the kids to Medieval Times tonight.  I had never been and it was on my cheesy things I need to do bucket list.  Here are...

7 Thoughts On Medieval Times:

1.  We had the Yellow Knight.  He looked like the puffy guitarist from Ben Folds Five so I developed a little crush on him.

2.  Very few men cannot pull off long hair. The Yellow Knight really didn't either, but I forgave him. 

3.  Ad got a "rose" thrown to her but another little girl stole it.  The Yellow Knight was nice enough to throw another one to her.

4.  Ry farking lurved the sword fighting.  He was almost embarrassingly loud in his cheering. 

5.  I have a feeling that the actors in Medival Times would do very well at WWF wrestling.  Is it even called WWF anymore?

6.  My son got the vegetarian plate because he wouldn't eat anything but rice.  

7.  My sister and I kept our crowns on in the car and I waved at passing cars on the way home.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

8 Random Thoughts:

1. My son finally wipes his own ass. It only took 6 years.

2. Swimming lessons are boring to watch.

3. I can't decide what I want to write my summer grad research proposal on. I am torn between something hard that I like and something easy that I don't think is as important.

 4. A random list of weird things I dislike: bandaids, earwigs, goggles, sunscreen, and old ass furbies that become possessed in the middle of the night and start "talking".

 5. There is a kid in my son's swimming class that needs an IEP. Too bad the park district doesn't do those for 8 day group lessons.

6. I don't like the new Sprout lady on their Sprout Morning Show. Her clothes are ugly.

7. I don't think you can ever own too many lip glosses.

 8. I love this song:

Sunday, March 25, 2012

On baseball

I think baseball is boring as crap to both watch and play.

*But* as a single mom, I don't get to tell the kids to go play with their dad, so instead we play a more interesting version at our house.

Keep in mind I have not played baseball in, like, 20 years. I am pretty sure I remember the real rules, but I don't really remember the exact batter stance or where to put your fingers on a ball when you are going to throw or pitch it. I also don't care. :P

With this in mind here is how our baseball game went this evening:

1. Ry (6) is the batter. I am the pitcher. Ad (4) is the security guard. The security guard chases after balls and dances. Kind of a combo of the catcher, fielder, and mascot.

2. Ry misses 90% of my throws. Mostly because I have poor aim.

3. When Ry does hit the ball he runs around in the front yard. Apparently I fed him something that did not agree with his tummy because every time he runs he farts. Every time he farts he yells, "I can't stop farting!!! I am like I fart rocket!" I am sure our neighbors think we are super classy.

4. Ad gets bored with standing around and informs me that if I need her I will have to call 81818. I think she is kidding, but every time I need her to get the ball I have to yell out that number or she wont move. Then she tells me that she is going on vacation so I will have to get the balls from then on.

5. Ry hits the ball and starts running the bases and Ad starts following him. He continues to have "issues". Ad yells "Stop farting!" Ry yells, "Haha, I got fart molecules on you." I threaten to go inside if everyone can't control if not their bodily functions, then at least their mouths.

6. Ad declares that the security guard has a security garden and we will all have to stop playing for 5 minutes to watch her flower show. I am still not sure what a flower show is even after watching it.

7. Ry hits one last ball and he and Ad both run around the front yard yelling we all are winners! Then as a last hurrah, Ryan rips one at his sister and cracks up. Ad starts crying.

So there you have it, our version of baseball. I am raising some fine baseball players. However, I think we will practice in the backyard from now on.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

On This Time Last Year

This time last year my face was falling off.

It is weird to go back and read my blog and think how much life has changed in a year. Not all of it for the worse.

A year ago, I would have laughed you out of the room if you told me I would be divorced, living back home, and back in school. And yet here I am. When school is over I will have the opportunity to work in a field that is both intellectually and personally fulfilling. If my ex-husband hadn't started down his weird path to destroy his life around this time last year I would probably never have gotten the opportunity to pursue this career. Not that that makes up for how badly his actions has affected our kids, but it is still a nice flower growing out of the manure he dumped on us.

Additional updates from the above post as follows:

- My daughter was fully potty trained 3 months after that post.

- My nose still looks pierced.

- I have not eaten steal cut oats since that morning.

- Earthquakes are still sad.

- Scott Walker is still a douche. (Whose campaign sends literature to my dead grandparents who were from Illinois so what is up with that?)

- My kids are still cute.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

On Quick Take Whenever 2-29-12

8 Random Thoughts:

1. I don't really mind watching My Little Ponies. Rarity is my favorite. :)

2. I love potato chips on ham sandwiches.

3. I am ready for it to be April so I have a better idea of what my next two years will look like.

4. I want to grow out Addie's bangs so she can lose the Brenda Walsh look. I am not looking forward to the process though. The kid can't keep a barrette in her hair to save her life.

5. Ryan got into the gifted program. :)

6. Why don't cats have belly buttons? Someone needs to explain this too me.

7. I am skeered of the spring. Last fall, around campus, I saw more female and male buttcracks then I had ever seen in my entire life. I don't want butt crack to be the new cleavage. Butts are kind of inherently gross and it is not that I am prude, there are just very few butts I want to see. I have a feeling as soon as it starts to get a little warmer butt cracks will be cropping up all over the classroom.

8. Whenever I have to go to the clinic/lab I think of this song. :P

Monday, February 6, 2012

On a Random Quicktake

11 Random thoughts because I don't have the inclination to put together a coherent blog post.

1. Neurology is super interesting. I love how our brains are put together, so intricate. It is also super scary to know how one little blood clot or tumor can fuck it up.

2. Today we had to watch video of individuals with different types of aphasia. One type effected physical production and the other effected speech comprehension and coherent production. Some of the people in the class laughed at the poor guy that had the later aphasia. I get that it was odd and uncomfortable to watch, but... The video just made me sad for the poor guy. You judge.

See? Not funny.

2. My son loves LEGO Star Wars. He makes "scenes" out of them every dang day. Yesterday he tore apart a bunch of them and called the scene The Ruins of Naboo. I know I am his mom, but I am pretty sure he is brilliant. :P

3. Speaking of which I had him tested for gifted a few weeks ago. I wonder how he does on standardized tests?

4. Speaking of Star Wars, I kind of find Star Wars super boring. I frequently zone out when my son talks to me about it. Smile and nod. Smile and nod.

5. I also think Transformers are lame.

6. My new show is Dance Moms on Lifetime. It all has to be fake. Seriously. Who lets their kid get yelled at everyday by some a-hole? Who wants to watch that? Oh yeah, me. Watching those parents makes me feel better about myself.

7. I am afraid my kids are going to be messed up because their dad is such a screw up. How did I not see this coming? It is odd to think of the double life my ex must have been leading. If he could have just been a normal screw up that had a normal affair we all would be much better off right now.

8. It is weird to talk nicely to the ex. But I am an adult and capable of acting like one to get business done.

9. My cat has to move out. I wrote a personal ad for her today. It will be up on petfinder soon. I am sad about this and cried all day Saturday about it. Mostly because when I told my daughter the kitty had to find a new home she started crying and told me that I made her heart hurt. The cat will be so much happier without 3 roommates though. If anyone knows someone who wants a 7 year old declawed female let me know. I will drive her almost anywhere.

10. I am ready for spring.

11. I love Crocs.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

On Used Cloth Dipes

I need someone to explain the draw of buying used cloth diapers to me. Used diaper sales are all over my facebook today, so surely one of my friends can enlighten me.

I get that used diapers are cheaper then new ones, but the fact that they are used means some little person pooped and peed in them. Probably a lot. The fact that they have been through a washing machine doesn't really help me understand this phenomenon any better. I would never ever want to put on some one else's underwear that had previously been pooped in, even if it had, indeed, taken a turn around a Whirlpool.

If you buy used cloth diapers do you also buy used grown up undies? At least no one has likely pooped or peed in those! Do you make your kids give their old underwear to their younger siblings when they out grow them?

Is it because they are babies you think they don't care that they are wearing someone else's drawers? Because I bet they do care. Babies are just miniature people. They have feelings and dignity and it probably makes them sad to wear used underwear.

In fact, I am going to hypothesize that 20% of colic cases from moms who cloth diaper are caused by by their babies protesting used dipes.

Poor babies. If only their mamas had bought them new undies their colic would be cured. :(

(By the way I will laugh my behind off if this thread ever gets pulled up by a google search for colic cures. :P)

The end.