Tuesday, December 28, 2010

On Grudges and Filing Systems

I can hold a grudge for a loooong time.

It doesn't really take tons of effort. It is not like I think about grudges constantly, but if a perceived wrong has been done to me my brain has an automatic filing system in place to keep track of it.

The filing system does occasionally get culled and if a grudge gets settled the file gets moved to another part of my brain.

For example, in 4th grade I cut my leg open to the tendon. I was the proud owner of over 100 stitches to close it up. After it had healed enough for me to return to get around with crutches I had to bring a pillow with me everywhere I went because I needed to keep my leg elevated.

I brought said pillow to a 4H meeting. As I hobbled to my chair I overheard an older girl (5th grader!!!) whispering and laughing to another older girl about my pillow.

I still don't really like either of those girls. For no other reason then that incident.

I am sure if I had gotten to know them past 5th grade I would have found them to be lovely people and I am sure they are currently leading lovely lives. I very occasionally will hear something about one of them as they are the children of distant friends of my grandmothers. And those rare times I hear something about them I think of the above grudge file and mentally scowl.

Other random people who have earned a file in my mind?

- the random T.A. in college who knocked my grade down because she didn't like that I let my Model UN partner do all our work because he wanted to date me. We won a fake diplomacy award and I only got a B!

- Any one who was inconsiderate about my daughter's life threatening allergy. There is like 5 or 6 people in this file.

- A random women in England who tried to pick a fake tattoo off my shoulder while we were in line for drinks at a bar.

- A person 10 years ago who told me my nose was perfect, but probably too small for my face.

The nice thing about having this memory, is that I remember the nice things people do and say to me too. But that is all in a separate filing system.

You might be wondering if I have a file about you.

The answer is, of course, no.

I like you.

1 comment:

  1. yes, of course you do.
    but yes, i have many many files i keep people in, and if they get into the really bad one, well, i generally avoid having to interact with them on any level. ever.